Love: A Prerequisite for Happy Marriage

Love is a basic need or drive from childhood to old age. With love one grows and develops naturally and happily. Without it the individual may become frustrated and unhappy.  The affectional responses begin in childhood. Children must receive love in order to give it. If the child is accepted and his individuality respected, he learns to love and be loved. If he is neglected, excluded, or repulsed, he attempts to defend himself, protecting his ego, but remains unsatisfied.  Satisfaction may come later through affection from friends and sweethearts. Love is more than possessiveness.  It is not making another person over into one’s own image.  It is not dependency, nor is it self-sacrifice, though love usually requires sacrifice.  A person must qualify for love by loving himself if he expects to love others.

However, how can we say that we already found the love of our life? Is it a romantic love or a mature love? Romantic love is the type of love made popular in many modern songs, movies, radio programs, and television plays.  It is based on the premises that one’s ideal mate does exist, and will appear at the right time and that love is a mysterious attraction of two people for each other. It is a spontaneous recognition of one’s ideal partner; that the future success of marriage is assured by finding one’s ideal mate, the one and only; and that nothing should stand in the way of love, not even wealth, position, education, or religious or racial differences.  The elements of romantic love are part of, but not all of, total or mature love. These factors must be considered as important in the selection of a life partner.  However, it is essential to keep in mind that romantic love is only one phase of the love necessary for sound marital adjustment.  

On the other hand, mature love leads to a happy and satisfying marriage. It holds a family together. It is the love a wife has for her husband even when he comes home irritable and crosses with a hard day at the office. It is the husband’s love for his wife even though she prepares a poor meal. Mature love before marriage is a synthesis of many factors, such as an understanding of each other’s personality; a recognition of each other’s needs and feelings; and an expression for each other of the finest qualities, such as tenderness, unselfishness, loyalty, self-sacrifice, sharing, and mutual responsiveness.  Mature love contains some elements of a romantic love, but it is built upon a firmer base.  It is more complete, more permanent, and more enduring.  Therefore, it provides more security and personal worth for both partners.  Mature love is a total love based on the realities of everyday family living.

The next question that comes along the way is that how does one know when love comes along?  Love probably begins as a reaction to the good looks, good clothes, popularity, and physical attractions.  However, the physical attraction is merely the starting point in love; it is not love itself. Love encompasses additional qualities of personal attachment above and beyond the sexual drive. It is manifested in one’s whole personality, ways, and qualities, patterns of thought and action, tenderness, devotion, sympathy, understanding.  Such love is not blind; it is conscious and free. Love is developed by two people’s discovery of mutual interest and goals, by their companionship and congeniality based on similar personality traits or complementary ones. Distinguishing between infatuation and love aids in answering the question. Infatuation may come suddenly, but love takes time. In Infatuation, the other person is thought of as a separate entity and employed for self-gratification.  In real love, there is a feeling of identity with the other person. The physical element is much more important in infatuation than in love. Infatuation may change quickly, but love lasts.

The last thing we can ask ourselves is that, does love last? The enduring kind of love comes to the fore when romance wears off. Daily attention and sympathetic understanding are needed for love to grow and become permanent. This daily process of loving, successfully practiced by both man and woman, is the answer to the question. Such love calls for a real partnership, with both parties working at the job continuously. One person alone cannot make it succeed.  Both must practice attitude of thoughtfulness, tolerance, and cooperativeness to develop the companionship that makes love last.  Both must avoid nagging, faultfinding, greediness, selfishness, the attitudes of boredom, uncooperativeness, and inconsiderate actions.  The partnership is based on satisfying companionship. Indeed lovers must be true friends to make love last, believing that it takes more than romantic love to guarantee a successful marriage, but no marriage can be a happy association without love. Love last when it is mature love- when it expresses concern for the partner’s  happiness and well-being, when there is a “we” feeling and a sense of togetherness, when there is a sharing of desires, thoughts, attitudes, and ambitions, when it is realistic, when it grows with time.